Nothing can kick a man while he’s down, so to speak, than being told any of these seven forbidden lines in bed, because the bed is one place where you need to start taking the phrase, ‘Let your actions do all the talking’ seriously.
1. “My ex used to like it when I did that…” The keyword here being, ‘Your ex.’ As in someone who belonged to your past and should be put in permanent lockdown there.
2. “No, I don’t think size matters.”
No matter how convincingly you say it, if your guy doesn’t have any body image issues before, he will have them now after you’ve dropped the dreaded S-word just when he was about to get it on.
3. “Can we get it over with soon?”
pretty sure it can wait.
4. “That was nice.”
Candy floss is nice. A Home Alone movie marathon on Christmas is nice. You know what isn’t nice? Se.x with your guy; try mindblowing or life-shattering instead. Even if it was nice, we are ready to bet all the money in the world that he doesn’t want to hear it.
5. *radio silence*
muster a cursory response.
6. “How did I do?”
No, just no. He’s just got some, and he isn’t in the mood to keep a running scorecard or pen an in-depth thesis on how, when and what worked and what are the key areas of improvement.
7. “How many times have I told you? Not like that!”
Slow down there, bossy pants. Go easy on the unwanted school mistress déjà vu and try a gentler tone instead.